Cherishing Time

Why do women feel that they have no right to their own time, a sense of guilt, of indulgence if they take time away from their family?  Why do we have this mind set and how does it affect our physical and spiritual body and our relationships?

Responsibility

When my daughter was born although I was filled with joy and love I was also drowning in the sense of responsibility that I now had.  That I would never feel that completely care free sensation of going off on my own for the day or sitting in the garden completely at peace with nothing to think about.  Because I would always know that I had my child to consider now.  I’m not complaining about that, but it has had a dramatic and profound effect on my mind and I had to relearn how to allow myself to make a little time to cherish me.

It’s an easy thing to do, to get so lost in your baby that you forget your own self and I wonder what, if any, ramifications there are to that.  What if we start to hide behind this thought pattern? What if we allow our children to become an excuse to martyr ourselves and never cherish and nurture our own needs? What if we don’t challenge our thoughts? 

In my work I see women (and men) who are completely drained of all energy, they have no perspective on their lives, everything is a chore, they are short tempered, trapped, resentful, jealous and defensive, they can’t see the joys or delights of life because they are so weighed down with the emotional and physical burden they have put on themselves.  In just 10mins we can work together to release some of that tension productively, within an hour a real sense of calm and perspective is being restored.  However, it can take years to work this accumulated anger out of their systems.  I wonder how that affects their children.

What are the effects?

 Having a child is a deep and intense change in anyone’s life but if we lose the ability to nurture ourselves then do we also do our children a disservice?

We all have those days when we want to slam doors and growl at everyone, and that’s OK, we can accept those undulations in our hormones and patience.  But it’s when we continually deny what we need and pretend that we don’t matter that tension develops in our minds and manifests itself physically as muscle or joint pain, IBS, eczema, headaches, perpetual colds and so on.  

There is plenty of evidence to show that our thoughts have an instant and profound effect on our physical body. Try this with a partner and see what happens….

Mind and body connection

Stand with your eyes open and put your right arm out in front of you.  Your partner will try to push your arm back down to your side, firmly but not forcefully, try to resist them.  This gives you a general feel for your strength.  Now close your eyes and think of things that have bought great sadness to you, remember all the negative, depressed, miserable things that really bring you down, make you cry.  Now try to resist your partner as they push down on your arm.  Finally with your eyes still shut and arm out in front of you fill you mind with everything that makes you laugh, smile, fill yourself with happiness and joy and try to resist your partner as they push your arm down.

In general people notice a significant reduction in their strength when thinking gloomy thoughts and an increase when focusing on joy and this is a very visceral and telling example of how important your mind-set is to your physical health.

Why do we deny ourselves then?

Now I’m not saying that parents should send their children to nursery as soon as possible, far from it, but perhaps we should look at our expectations and our core needs.  I’ve always said that I was born when my daughter was born because I had to learn myself all over again.  I could choose what things were carried in my life rucksack, keeping the things that were for my greater good and ditch the things that were just excess baggage. Having such a life changing event as a baby is the perfect reason to challenge and focus on the things that really matter. 

You might like to think about these questions…

• ·         Are you worried about what other people will think if we aren’t prostrating yourself for your children every moment?  Is how other people think something that you can control?
• ·         Do you think this is your duty, you are supposed to put everyone else’s needs above your own.  If that’s the case, where did we learn that from?  And is it really acceptable to think like that?
• ·         Do you enjoy the feeling of being needed that you get if you martyr yourself to your family?
• ·         What are the feelings of guilt about? Are you worthy of love and cherishment? Do you need to challenge your expectations, your judgements and self-criticism?

Positive Role model

If we are role models for our children and we want our children to make the most of their lives and be happy and empowered, then how does our attitude and action affect them? Perhaps one of our greatest gifts is to show them that even as an adult they have a choice and a right to nurture themselves.

By choosing to give yourself time not only will you feel happier and less stressed you will also be modelling an important lesson for your children to take through life. Loving yourself and cherishing your mind and body is not indulgence but an important part of a fulfilled and happy life.

So be strong and don’t indulge that guilt complex! -  you may only need 10 mins a day or perhaps a morning a week to do something solely for yourself, something that nourishes you.  And you will notice the immediate results on your relationships, on your self-esteem and on your health. 

Creativity....Pass it on.....

Welcome to Week Three of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood
by Lucy H. Pearce. 

Today's topic is Creative Inheritance. Do read to the end of this post for a full list of carnival participants. 

Join the Carnival and be in with a chance to win a free e-copy of The Rainbow Way! Next week is our final week!
December 11th: The Creative Process.

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Creativity.... Pass it on......

(The arts) "are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Creativity to me isn't about being able to create something that others like; it is about creating something that touches your own core regardless of the end product.

When we do this, when we really allow a piece of ourselves into our work, others will see that beauty and resonate with it and that is why creativity for so many people is so scary because we have to give a part of ourselves to it.  Which means you have to own it, take responsibility for it, put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable to attack......

We spend so much time worrying about what others think of us or what we have done that we miss the whole delight of doing it! And this is what we feed our children. Their inheritance is the desire for other people's approval, to follow what others have done, to never take a risk or test their theory or embrace change because it might not work or other people might not like it.....

In education we are conditioned to believe that we should only do something if we can succeed in it, do it well or win, particularly in creative subjects.  For example, how many of us were told at school or by our families 'You can't sing' and so for the rest of our lives we suppress our voices because we don't think we should sing simply for the joy of it?   I taught art after school to a group of 8 year olds and to my great sadness when asked to listen to a piece of music and simply draw to its flow and rhythm, they all felt it had been a waste of time because it didn't 'look like something'.

This conditioning is a great disservice to our children because creative activities are often the reason human hearts feel alive, connected, inspired, contented - regardless of how 'well' they do them.

I was blessed to have a family that encouraged and supported me in failure!

 This was perhaps one of the greatest gifts my parents gave to me.

We were taught to do things that we enjoyed not what we were necessarily good at... which is why I did ballet even though I was not blessed with dancers feet and why we sung at the top of our lungs in the car and in the home whenever the urge took us and why I wrote poetry to express my thoughts and acted out plays and drew pictures to celebrate the day's events....

All this experience has given me a creative outlook on life which means I can see things from different angles, put problems into different perspectives. Liberate, understand and own my emotions (and take responsibility for them) through sound, written word or pictures..celebrate the small things and delight in the beauty of everyday.

So my gift to my beautiful daughter will be to encourage her to do what makes her heart sing, her soul soar and her face smile.  Because the skill to understanding and expressing ourselves and what we truly need to be at peace in our hearts is the greatest of inheritances.

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25% off ALL Lucy's books, 4th Dec only. Use code RAINBOW25.

ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY of 

The Rainbow Way direct from the author and receive:

• exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers
• a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author's paintings.

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Or order from your local bookshop.

• Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud celebrates her creative fairy godmothers, and gives thanks for the creative blessings that each has gifted her.
• In 'From Trash To Treasure: Christmas Decoration' Laura from Authentic Parenting shares fond memories crafting with her mom and a little project her mom did recently. 
• Lucy Pierce from Soulskin Musings celebrates the rich creative inheritance of her mother's poetic soul and artful ways. 
• Is thinking differently a curse or a gift? Zoie at TouchstoneZ susses out whether her family legacy might hinder or encourage creativity.
• Dawn Collins at TheBarefootHome Dawn thinks we're all born with a creative inheritance from the mother we all share…Mother Nature.
• Licia Berry at Illumined Arts looks at the creative inheritance passed on by our ancestral lineage, discovered through sexuality and the Sacred Feminine within in "Sexuality and the Sacred Feminine"
• Alex at The Art of Birth explores the nature of creativity. 
• Handcrafts are prayers, that's what Corina from PatchScrap learned from grandmother.
• Jennifer at Let Your Soul Shine retraces her creative inheritance from her childhood and all the way back to the 19^th Century.  
• Kirstin at Listening to the Squeak says "I have always known my creative inheritance and it is so very important for my children to know theirs."
• Becky at Raising Loveliness reflects on her experiences of creativity.
• Creative Inheritance is a Beautiful Thing, says Aimee at Creativeflutters and discusses where her creativity comes from and what influences in her family have helped her on her artistic journey. 
• Georgie at Visual Toast shares her creative inheritance.
• Esther at Nurture Workshop expresses the gift of a creative mind and the doors that are waiting to be opened for those who are willing to explore.
• Whitney Freya at Creatively Fit is inspired by the sacred spark within each of us, a spark that transcends time and is infinitely creative.
• Denise at It Begins with a Verse  looks back at her family's creative inheritance.
• Womansart shares her reflections on creative inheritance.
• Lys at Stars and Spirals looks at the creative inheritance as described by the astrological chart, drawing on her personal journey into motherhood and reawakened creativity.
• Biromums wrote poems about their creative inheritance.
• Kae at The Wilde Womb reflects on the various artists within her family and how it has shaped her identity and what impression she wishes to leave her own children. 
• Marit's Paper World shares her creative inheritance.
• Lucy at Capture by Lucy  reflects on her experiences of creativity.
• Knitting blankets and the inner landscape--my mother's life's work, writes Nicki from Just Like Play. 
• Something Sacred - Sadhbh at Where Wishes Come From writes about how the creativity of the women in her family has influenced her.
• Mamma Bloom at Breathe and Bloom writes about her creative inheritance.
• Mama is Inspired shares how she loved to make holiday ornaments as a child, and now is continuing that tradition with her own child.
• Ali Baker is a creative mama to twin girls who reignited her creative energy and sense of who she used to be by just doing it and creating whatever needs to be created in an imperfect way. 
• KatyStuff hopes inheritance is a long way off, but, when the day comes her woodworker father has already said he is comforted by knowing his work is in so many homes.
• Jasmine at Brown Eyed Girl realizes that the creativity she craves for so deeply may actually be something that runs deeper than just her imagination.
• Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her creative journey.
• Rising on the Road shares her experiences at Finding Life in a Death.