Cherishing Time

Why do women feel that they have no right to their own time, a sense of guilt, of indulgence if they take time away from their family?  Why do we have this mind set and how does it affect our physical and spiritual body and our relationships?

Responsibility

When my daughter was born although I was filled with joy and love I was also drowning in the sense of responsibility that I now had.  That I would never feel that completely care free sensation of going off on my own for the day or sitting in the garden completely at peace with nothing to think about.  Because I would always know that I had my child to consider now.  I’m not complaining about that, but it has had a dramatic and profound effect on my mind and I had to relearn how to allow myself to make a little time to cherish me.

It’s an easy thing to do, to get so lost in your baby that you forget your own self and I wonder what, if any, ramifications there are to that.  What if we start to hide behind this thought pattern? What if we allow our children to become an excuse to martyr ourselves and never cherish and nurture our own needs? What if we don’t challenge our thoughts? 

In my work I see women (and men) who are completely drained of all energy, they have no perspective on their lives, everything is a chore, they are short tempered, trapped, resentful, jealous and defensive, they can’t see the joys or delights of life because they are so weighed down with the emotional and physical burden they have put on themselves.  In just 10mins we can work together to release some of that tension productively, within an hour a real sense of calm and perspective is being restored.  However, it can take years to work this accumulated anger out of their systems.  I wonder how that affects their children.

What are the effects?

 Having a child is a deep and intense change in anyone’s life but if we lose the ability to nurture ourselves then do we also do our children a disservice?

We all have those days when we want to slam doors and growl at everyone, and that’s OK, we can accept those undulations in our hormones and patience.  But it’s when we continually deny what we need and pretend that we don’t matter that tension develops in our minds and manifests itself physically as muscle or joint pain, IBS, eczema, headaches, perpetual colds and so on.  

There is plenty of evidence to show that our thoughts have an instant and profound effect on our physical body. Try this with a partner and see what happens….

Mind and body connection

Stand with your eyes open and put your right arm out in front of you.  Your partner will try to push your arm back down to your side, firmly but not forcefully, try to resist them.  This gives you a general feel for your strength.  Now close your eyes and think of things that have bought great sadness to you, remember all the negative, depressed, miserable things that really bring you down, make you cry.  Now try to resist your partner as they push down on your arm.  Finally with your eyes still shut and arm out in front of you fill you mind with everything that makes you laugh, smile, fill yourself with happiness and joy and try to resist your partner as they push your arm down.

In general people notice a significant reduction in their strength when thinking gloomy thoughts and an increase when focusing on joy and this is a very visceral and telling example of how important your mind-set is to your physical health.

Why do we deny ourselves then?

Now I’m not saying that parents should send their children to nursery as soon as possible, far from it, but perhaps we should look at our expectations and our core needs.  I’ve always said that I was born when my daughter was born because I had to learn myself all over again.  I could choose what things were carried in my life rucksack, keeping the things that were for my greater good and ditch the things that were just excess baggage. Having such a life changing event as a baby is the perfect reason to challenge and focus on the things that really matter. 

You might like to think about these questions…

• ·         Are you worried about what other people will think if we aren’t prostrating yourself for your children every moment?  Is how other people think something that you can control?
• ·         Do you think this is your duty, you are supposed to put everyone else’s needs above your own.  If that’s the case, where did we learn that from?  And is it really acceptable to think like that?
• ·         Do you enjoy the feeling of being needed that you get if you martyr yourself to your family?
• ·         What are the feelings of guilt about? Are you worthy of love and cherishment? Do you need to challenge your expectations, your judgements and self-criticism?

Positive Role model

If we are role models for our children and we want our children to make the most of their lives and be happy and empowered, then how does our attitude and action affect them? Perhaps one of our greatest gifts is to show them that even as an adult they have a choice and a right to nurture themselves.

By choosing to give yourself time not only will you feel happier and less stressed you will also be modelling an important lesson for your children to take through life. Loving yourself and cherishing your mind and body is not indulgence but an important part of a fulfilled and happy life.

So be strong and don’t indulge that guilt complex! -  you may only need 10 mins a day or perhaps a morning a week to do something solely for yourself, something that nourishes you.  And you will notice the immediate results on your relationships, on your self-esteem and on your health. 

2014 is here - so what did I learn in 2013?

It seems to me that the best thing I can do at the end of the calender year is to sit for a while quietly and recognise what I have learnt over the past 12 months and what is it that I want to take into the next.

So here are my thoughts on 2013....  you might like to try it yourself.

1.  Kindness in thoughts, words and actions is a powerful tool in changing challenging situations, bringing about inner peace and improving relationships.  What I think and say are fundamental to my happiness.

2.  I am a role model for my daughter and as such the more I understand myself and the more kindness I show to myself and feel peaceful with who I am and support my own health and well being, the better my child will understand herself and her own needs and her own power.

3.  I have to use sound and my voice as part of my way of life because it is my source, my power, my gift, my joy.

4.  I have to face my fears and find out what they are really about.  I am allowed to take risks and I am allowed to make mistakes.  Really, what's the worst that can happen?

5.  Gratitude is a beautiful thing.  Recognising all the things I have got, all the blessings, all the joy, all the opportunities and abundance life is giving me, makes me realise how lovely my life is, keeps me in perspective and breaks my negative mental patterns.

Happy New Year may my next 12 months be full of gratitude, kindness and sound!

Creativity....Pass it on.....

Welcome to Week Three of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood
by Lucy H. Pearce. 

Today's topic is Creative Inheritance. Do read to the end of this post for a full list of carnival participants. 

Join the Carnival and be in with a chance to win a free e-copy of The Rainbow Way! Next week is our final week!
December 11th: The Creative Process.

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Creativity.... Pass it on......

(The arts) "are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practising an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Creativity to me isn't about being able to create something that others like; it is about creating something that touches your own core regardless of the end product.

When we do this, when we really allow a piece of ourselves into our work, others will see that beauty and resonate with it and that is why creativity for so many people is so scary because we have to give a part of ourselves to it.  Which means you have to own it, take responsibility for it, put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable to attack......

We spend so much time worrying about what others think of us or what we have done that we miss the whole delight of doing it! And this is what we feed our children. Their inheritance is the desire for other people's approval, to follow what others have done, to never take a risk or test their theory or embrace change because it might not work or other people might not like it.....

In education we are conditioned to believe that we should only do something if we can succeed in it, do it well or win, particularly in creative subjects.  For example, how many of us were told at school or by our families 'You can't sing' and so for the rest of our lives we suppress our voices because we don't think we should sing simply for the joy of it?   I taught art after school to a group of 8 year olds and to my great sadness when asked to listen to a piece of music and simply draw to its flow and rhythm, they all felt it had been a waste of time because it didn't 'look like something'.

This conditioning is a great disservice to our children because creative activities are often the reason human hearts feel alive, connected, inspired, contented - regardless of how 'well' they do them.

I was blessed to have a family that encouraged and supported me in failure!

 This was perhaps one of the greatest gifts my parents gave to me.

We were taught to do things that we enjoyed not what we were necessarily good at... which is why I did ballet even though I was not blessed with dancers feet and why we sung at the top of our lungs in the car and in the home whenever the urge took us and why I wrote poetry to express my thoughts and acted out plays and drew pictures to celebrate the day's events....

All this experience has given me a creative outlook on life which means I can see things from different angles, put problems into different perspectives. Liberate, understand and own my emotions (and take responsibility for them) through sound, written word or pictures..celebrate the small things and delight in the beauty of everyday.

So my gift to my beautiful daughter will be to encourage her to do what makes her heart sing, her soul soar and her face smile.  Because the skill to understanding and expressing ourselves and what we truly need to be at peace in our hearts is the greatest of inheritances.

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25% off ALL Lucy's books, 4th Dec only. Use code RAINBOW25.

ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY of 

The Rainbow Way direct from the author and receive:

• exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers
• a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author's paintings.

Kindle and paperback editions from Amazon.co.uk Amazon.com Book Depository, Barnes and Noble

Or order from your local bookshop.

• Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud celebrates her creative fairy godmothers, and gives thanks for the creative blessings that each has gifted her.
• In 'From Trash To Treasure: Christmas Decoration' Laura from Authentic Parenting shares fond memories crafting with her mom and a little project her mom did recently. 
• Lucy Pierce from Soulskin Musings celebrates the rich creative inheritance of her mother's poetic soul and artful ways. 
• Is thinking differently a curse or a gift? Zoie at TouchstoneZ susses out whether her family legacy might hinder or encourage creativity.
• Dawn Collins at TheBarefootHome Dawn thinks we're all born with a creative inheritance from the mother we all share…Mother Nature.
• Licia Berry at Illumined Arts looks at the creative inheritance passed on by our ancestral lineage, discovered through sexuality and the Sacred Feminine within in "Sexuality and the Sacred Feminine"
• Alex at The Art of Birth explores the nature of creativity. 
• Handcrafts are prayers, that's what Corina from PatchScrap learned from grandmother.
• Jennifer at Let Your Soul Shine retraces her creative inheritance from her childhood and all the way back to the 19^th Century.  
• Kirstin at Listening to the Squeak says "I have always known my creative inheritance and it is so very important for my children to know theirs."
• Becky at Raising Loveliness reflects on her experiences of creativity.
• Creative Inheritance is a Beautiful Thing, says Aimee at Creativeflutters and discusses where her creativity comes from and what influences in her family have helped her on her artistic journey. 
• Georgie at Visual Toast shares her creative inheritance.
• Esther at Nurture Workshop expresses the gift of a creative mind and the doors that are waiting to be opened for those who are willing to explore.
• Whitney Freya at Creatively Fit is inspired by the sacred spark within each of us, a spark that transcends time and is infinitely creative.
• Denise at It Begins with a Verse  looks back at her family's creative inheritance.
• Womansart shares her reflections on creative inheritance.
• Lys at Stars and Spirals looks at the creative inheritance as described by the astrological chart, drawing on her personal journey into motherhood and reawakened creativity.
• Biromums wrote poems about their creative inheritance.
• Kae at The Wilde Womb reflects on the various artists within her family and how it has shaped her identity and what impression she wishes to leave her own children. 
• Marit's Paper World shares her creative inheritance.
• Lucy at Capture by Lucy  reflects on her experiences of creativity.
• Knitting blankets and the inner landscape--my mother's life's work, writes Nicki from Just Like Play. 
• Something Sacred - Sadhbh at Where Wishes Come From writes about how the creativity of the women in her family has influenced her.
• Mamma Bloom at Breathe and Bloom writes about her creative inheritance.
• Mama is Inspired shares how she loved to make holiday ornaments as a child, and now is continuing that tradition with her own child.
• Ali Baker is a creative mama to twin girls who reignited her creative energy and sense of who she used to be by just doing it and creating whatever needs to be created in an imperfect way. 
• KatyStuff hopes inheritance is a long way off, but, when the day comes her woodworker father has already said he is comforted by knowing his work is in so many homes.
• Jasmine at Brown Eyed Girl realizes that the creativity she craves for so deeply may actually be something that runs deeper than just her imagination.
• Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her creative journey.
• Rising on the Road shares her experiences at Finding Life in a Death.
  
  

The power of sound

When we are born our only method of expressing ourselves is through sound.  Then as we grow we learn to communicate through language, through words…

But words aren’t always enough.

How many times have you heard or said “I can’t express how I feel”  “No words can describe how I’m feeling”  “I’m lost for words” or you are simply mute with emotion.

Sound goes back to those primal roots before significant conditioning, before language, before words, before culture, class, habit and social patterns…. Back to that clear, unmistakable connection with your true self.  With what you really need.

Sound can not be misunderstood or miscommunicated, there can never be crossed wires or offence.

There are layers, someone described it as an onion, outer “performance” layers of conditioning, habit, judgements, ego.  “I can’t sing!” “What will people think of me?”  “I shouldn’t make so much noise” “I don’t need to do this” And this ego keeps us small, keeps us contained and repressed and unfulfilled so that our lives are only partly lived. 

It’s only when we go deeper through the layers to our authentic sound that the joyous magic of this work is released.

And then comes the realisation that this terrific and visceral power is INSIDE you!  Waiting, every second, every hour, every decade, every breath, waiting to be heard.

We can never truly be ourselves if we deny our connection to our inner voice/our spirit/our soul song (it doesn’t matter what we call it – again words are not enough to sum this up).

We need to listen to it, hear it, acknowledge it, give it permission to take flight.

 

There is a river of sound inside you, looking for a place to flow…. So open your mouth and let the sound wash over you, let it carry away your fear, anxiety, grief, anger and bring in a new and glorious light of joy and internal peace.

 "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”  Rumi

Further reading: The Naked Voice, The College of Sound Healing.

Imagination ignites the ordinary

Welcome to Week One of the month-long Carnival of Creative Mothers to celebrate the launch of The Rainbow Way: Cultivating Creativity in the Midst of Motherhood
by Lucy H. Pearce. 

Today's topic is Nurturing a Culture of Creativity at Home. Be sure to read to the end of this post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Join the Carnival and be in with a chance to win a free e-copy of The Rainbow Way!
November 27th: Creative Heroines.
December 4th: Creative Inheritance.
December 11th: The Creative Process.

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Creativity isn't just art it's about looking at the world with different eyes, new perspectives and approaches. Which encourages you to see the beauty and joy in all the ordinary things that are happening everyday.  

So here are a few ideas of how to ignite your imagination and unleash your creativity!

SINGING
We sing regularly... there's a song for every activity if you want to find it!  I don't have the space to tell you how important singing is for all of us but suffice to say that there are a great number of reasons to express yourself through sound so have a go!   (There are some links on this page for you to look at if you wish)

 The Genius of Natural Childhood by Sally Goddard Blyth

Music in our bones research

The Music Bus

I've also written a little song book which were all inspired by Eartha and our trips walking in the countryside and being at home in the garden....
Here's one of them....

There's a tree on the hill and it's standing very still
There's a tree on a hill near the wood
There's a tree on the hill and it's standing very still
There's a tree on a hill near the wood
In the Spring the flowers come
Then the Summer brings the sun
The Autumn takes its leaves
And the winter makes it freeze... brrrrrr...
There's a tree on the hill and it's standing very still
There's a tree on a hill near the wood.

You can buy my song book and CD for just £10.  Please get in touch with me at nurtureworkshop@gmail.com 

THE ART OF SEEING
If you spend a little moment everyday just watching.... stop and stand for just a few moments and you will start to notice all the things that you've been missing in the rush.  First look with your eyes open, then try with them shut, What differences do you notice with each experience?

• The cloud formation in the sky... can you imagine what it behind them?  
• The way the light hits an object and the shadows it creates.... if you move the object what happens to the shadow?  
• What's the smell in the air...... can you describe it... can you write a poem about it?
• The colour of the apple skin..... can you see all the colours.... can you paint it?
• The sound of the birds tweeting... can you make that sound too?
• What happens if we put this object in paint and roll it or squash it on paper?

In an art club I ran at school the most fun the children had was an Autumn day when we collected berries, fruit, leaves, twigs and mud and made pictures by squashing  and smearing them onto the paper!  Have a go - it's great!

DON'T GET HUNG-UP ON THE END PRODUCT
No matter how we try we often become incredibly judgmental about our creations.... but the key to getting the most out of anything and indeed making activities fun is not to worry about what it looks like in the end - This is the death knoll for the creative spirits in all of us!

There is no right or wrong.  Test things out, try it and see what happens.  The process of all that creation was fun, educational, inspiring and playful.... which is all you want - lots of smiles!  Enjoy!


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ORDER YOUR SIGNED COPY of  The Rainbow Way! and grab your free extras  (first 200 orders only!): - exclusive access to a private Facebook group for creative mothers - a vibrant greetings card and book-mark of one of the author's paintings. Kindle and paperback editions from Amazon.co.uk, Amazon.com, Book Depository, Barnes and Noble or order it from your local bookshop!

• Carnival host and author of The Rainbow Way, Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares an extract from the chapter Nurturing a Family Culture of Creativity.
• Lilly Higgins is a passionate food writer. Now a mother of two boys, she's discovered a new calling: to instil in them a love of food and creativity in the kitchen.
• DeAnna L'am shares how visioning the New Year with your child is an invitation to be inspired: use creativity and resolutions to create a fun road map for the year ahead.
• Molly at Talk Birth on Releasing Our Butterflies - balancing motherhood with creativity.
• Laura shares some of the creativity happening at Nestled Under Rainbows and a few thoughts about creativity.
• Georgie at Visual Toast celebrates her own unique culture of creativity at home.
• Esther at Nurtureworkshop spreads the love of the ordinary, the delights of everyday things that can be an adventure of the imagination.
• For Dawn at The Barefoot Home creativity is always a free form expression to be shared by all in a supportive environment where anything can be an art material.
• Naomi at Poetic Aperture is a mother, artist and photographer who tries to keep her daughter away from the expensive pens and paints.
• Aimee at Creativeflutters writes about keeping your sanity and creativity intact with small kids in the house in her post: Mother + Creativity - They Must Coexist.
• Amelia at My Grandest Adventure embarks on a 30 Days of Creativity challenge...you can too!
• Becky at Raising Loveliness explores creating with her smaller family members.
• Jennifer at Let Your Soul Shine reveals how children help us connect to our souls, through music and movement.
• Mary at The Turquoise Paintbrush shares her experiences of creating with kids.
• Joanna at Musings of a Hostage Mother explains why creativity at home is important to her in her post "I nurture a creative culture."
• It took until Amy at Mama Dynamite was pregnant aged 35 to discover her dormant creative streak - she has found lovely ways of tuning into it every since.
• Emily at The Nest explores how creativity runs through her family's life together.
• Jennifer at OurMuddyBoots sees that encouraging creativity in children is as simple as appreciating them for who they are: it just means overriding everything we know!
• Lisa from Mama.ie has discovered that a combination of writing and traditional crafts can provide a creative outlet during those busy early years of new motherhood.
• Anna at Biromums shares what nurturing a culture of creativity means to her.
• Zoie at TouchstoneZ argues that the less they are interfered with, the more creative children become as they grow up.
• Darcel at The Mahogany Way celebrates creating with her kids.
• Sally (aka The Ginger Ninja) of The Ginger Chronicles is continually inspired by her own mum and grandmother.
• Just being creative is enough, says Nicki at Just Like Play, as she ponders her journey of nurturing a creative family.
• Allurynn shares her creative family's musings in her post "Creativity... at the Heart of it" on Moonlight Muse.
• Laura at Authentic Parenting explores how being creative saves her sanity.
• Mama is Inspired talks about how she puts an emphasis on the handmade in her home, especially in the holiday season.
• Kirstin at Listen to the Squeak Inside shares with you several easy ways for busy mamas and dads to encourage their children to be creative every day.
• Mila at Art Play Day always lived in her dreams, sleepwalking through life ... now she is finding out what creativity is all about.... her inner child!
• Sadhbh at Where Wishes Come From describes how picture books can nurture creativity in young children.
• On womansart blog this week - nurturing a creative culture at home.

Look after your inner animal this Autumn...

“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen" Ernest Hemmingway.

I found this quote and thought how beautiful it was. There is a sense of death in Autumn but there is a positive aspect because it's not final it's just part of the circle of life.

We are all animals, in our primal centres, getting ready for hybernation aren't we.  So it's time to slow down and look at what we have reaped over the summer.  Nurture ourselves and give ourselves rest.  

Are we so disconnected from the natural world that we forget how the seasons have a profound effect on us?

If anything, the message in this blog is to remember your animal inside.  Give yourself some space to look back and reflect.  Be gentle with yourself and accept that this is the time to welcome sadness with a positive heart.  Fighting this natural instinct is detrimental to your health, you need to feel it.

Here are a few ideas for Autumn sadness...

Write a list of gratitude for all the things you have in your life that are positive and say thank you from your heart.  This is a simple task but is incredibly rewarding - have a go!

Spend just five minuites (time yourself!) outdoors quiet and still.  You can get enormous sense of peace just sitting next to nature.

Write yourself a list of things that you're proud of for this year and give yourself a few goals for the next few months.  Listen to your heart and dreams... they can come true if you want them to.

Imagine your inner animal this Autumn - what is it? what does it look like?  how does it feel? Write or draw a picture.... what does it need to be nurtured this Autumn?

Beauty is everywhere just start noticing it and you'll fill your heart with happiness in moments.

Blessings.  

Apple Cake - Yum!

Well, it's that time of year again.... Apples galore and so here's something to try out. It's lovely and moist and will last about 3-4 days in an air tight container.   

Ingredients

225g self-raising flour

2 tsp mixed spice

Grinding of fresh nutmeg

115g unsalted butter, diced and chilled, plus extra for greasing

115g light brown sugar

1 large egg, beaten

6-8 tbsp milk

225g apples, peeled, cored and diced

100g sultanas and rasins

2 tbsp demerara sugar

How to do it

1.Heat the oven to 180C/160C fan/ gas 4. Grease and line a deep 20cm cake tin with baking parchment.

2.Mix the flour and spices together in a large bowl. Add the butter and rub into the flour using your fingers, until it resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the light brown sugar. Beat in the egg followed by 6 - 8 tbsp of milk – you want to achieve a smooth, thick batter.

3.Add the apples, sultanas and rasins and mix to combine. Scrape the batter into your prepared tin and gently level out. Sprinkle over the demerara sugar and bake in the oven for 40-50 minutes or until golden and a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean.

4.Allow to cool in the tin for 15 minutes and then carefully turn out onto a wire rack to cool further. Yummmmy....